girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
