If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
