i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
