I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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