I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
