im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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