Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
