come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
