my room smells like sperm. sweet.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
