He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
