how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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