Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just want to make out with him forever
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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