I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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