I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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