just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
