We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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