I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
