So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
