I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
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