even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
