you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
