how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
