Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm at about main and main street
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
