you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
