weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
