Ambien. No doubt about it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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