found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
