I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
