i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
