tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
