Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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