nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
