Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
