He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
