Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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