i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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