She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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