Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She bit a glass in half.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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