two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Farmville is her only friend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
