i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
