maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
