do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You can't special order awesome
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
