I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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