Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
