It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
