When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
