You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
