erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
