That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
