Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
