I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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