clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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