Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
