shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
