She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
