I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
