my phone needs a breathalizer
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
