You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
