i don't like sucking hair
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
