he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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