hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
